sipirili

gw tahu ini random, apalagi setelah entry gw yang agak serieus sebelum ini. but oh, well what the heck. this one week time has given me enough thinking sampe gw ga ngerasa bisa berpikir terlalu banyak lagi. and this time, it's going to be me putting it all on you. jadi selamat menikmati. ya, ini akan jadi self-center berat dan gw bahkan mengkorupsi waktu kerja gw untuk bikin ini. perfect. i even lost my idealism.

to start up with, i feel old. not old-wrinkly old. but, old. make sense? wait till you get to your after-college working life, and you start to pay your own bills and stuff. gw ngerti gimana orang-orang ter-oke yang dulu pernah gw idolakan dalam hidup gw, mampu menghilangkan kebebasannya - buat ngelakuin semua yang mereka mau, dan mulai memikirkan: tagihan telepon. gw ngerti kenapa dulu nyokap gw freak out waktu tagihan telepon ngelonjak. now, i do that. dan gw bahkan belum 23 tahun.arrghf.

secondly, i feel old karena rutinitas gw itu gw bagi dengan hampir 80% manusia usia produktif yang ada di indonesia, atau lebih tepatnya di jakarta. you wake up early in the morning, have some breakfast, dressing up, get into your car, share the hectic of jakarta and the lovely vapor of its air in the morning (yes, we consume carbon monoxide, every step of the way, thank you very much). you stay till 12, you go out for lunch, you work till 5, you come home to rest. nothing's wrong with that. i like it, as a matter of fact. i know i need that to keep myself in order. but, seriously, i need life other than that. makanya gw volunteer, tapi menurut orang dan rasanya emang bener, gw udah ketuaan. butuh regenerasi, so i step back most of the time now. tapi yah, every now and then masih dipanggil, dan nyokap gw masih bingung kenapa gw masih bertahan di sana. uhm, ya karena menyenangkan? and also because i found most of my networking links there. you always find someone who knows someone to help you out. personally and professionally. so then, i look for other activities beside coming home straight from the office. i hang out. sekarang gw ngerti kenapa mba-mba dan mas-mas itu memenuhi mall-mall berbintang (*any such thing?) di jakarta after office hour. you go there, you keep your friends close, you look for people that might benefits you in your career. sure. now i'm being the crowd of the pack.

third, semua orang lagi sosial bangett nget sepertinya. blackberry, twitter, facebook, and god knows what else. we're all trying to be connected. padahal, nokia udah "connecting people" dari kapan tau. loh, kok ya baru sekarang semua orang pengen merasa terhubung. and that exhausts me lately. you know what i do, first thing in the morning or as i need some more time to go to sleep? other than reading books (which i haven't been doing for ages), i check my friends facebook status via my mobile. how freak is that? ngga ada alesan, cuma pengen tau aja udah ada yang berubah apa belum. ini mengkhawatirkan.

forth, the whole me-earning-my-own-money, paying bills, gas, and stuff makes me feel obliged not to mess up. i don't know if you ever hear me saying how i miss being 21. 21 is the greatest year ever. you're legal for almost anything, you're in the middle of college knowing things well, doing things, panitia, organisasi, whatever. ada temen, ada pacar. udah dianggap gede, but here's the twist: you are allowed to mess up. simply because you're only 1 year away from the 20-years-old-you. people would expect you to grow up, but they know you're taking baby steps. and you'd fall every now and then, and you can't quite run, yet. jadi ya gapapa kalo masih minta duit ke nyokap. gapapa kalo lo belum kerja. gapapa kalo lo masih minta dibeliin baju. gapapa kalo elo belum tau abis kuliah mau ngapain. it is A.O.K. makanya gw ga pernah nyaranin anak usia 21 tahun lulus kuliah. seriously, it's the only time of your life in which people start to treat you as an adult, but you still can naturally be a child. kecuali lo mau dikawinin atau S2 ya, which would help you from making adult decisions and go straight to make babies (*this doesn't sound right, i know). or you keep on studying (yang bahkan bukan lo yang bayar, due to your bizzare intelligence that helps you for yet another full scholarship or your parents are paying. again.) i envy you. for both situation.

jadi, saat semua orang bilang suruh cepet-cepet kuliah biar bisa kerja. beware. they might be lying. iya, digaji dan punya duit sendiri emang enak. you have all the rights to use your money. kerja juga enak, you're taking parts in life for real. (* not that you haven't tapi kalo misalnya lo anak minyak, sekarang elo yang nentuin besok kita punya stok minyak yang mencukupi kebutuhan nasional apa ngga. dan kalo lo males kerja, ya terang aja harga minyak per barel bakal naek.) and that, gives you a bunch of things to consider on every move you take. so weigh your judgment carefully, working - or might as well be acknowledged as adulthood - doesn't mean your viva la liberte or whatever. adulthood means you take your decisions not only weighing what suit you best, but also what would give the least bad domino effect to the rest of the future. but i'm kinda glad with this whole thing. the whole adulthood, i mean. i just need to keep young at heart.

makanya gw bakalan tetep jarang pulang dan ngerjain terjemahan, just because.
aduh, kepala gw jadi enteng. enak ya jadi orang yang sederhana.

kembali bekerja.