rasanya tahun ini pembelajarannya banyak banget. waktu balik ke amerika rasanya semua pembelajaran yang terjadi di tahun 2003-2004 baru bisa dipahami seutuhnya. bahwa keberadaan mom, dad, crystal, sama renee porsinya udah pas banget.
exactly the way i need them to be, the way i am capable of i guess.
the whole trip after getting back was a journey of its own.it's been devastating yet thrilling.
the hours spent watching "Horton Hears a Who" all by myself, as i shed tears for no actual reason but the fact that i wish i could've watched it in a different manner. it was somehow a revelation of me coping things.
the existence of facebook and the abandonement of friendster for the first couple of months.
the people that surrounds me to get through.
bearing the one i miss.
as pathetic as it sounds loving requires way more than just having each other around, huh? i wouldn't know if loving means you get something in return or what. perhaps.
it's been thrilling as i lose control of my own feeling. as bad as i tried to kill my senses, apparently i am not the kind of person who could really do that. especially doing it to my dearest ones.
read my entry upon vulnerability. i am as scared upon being vulnerable as i did. yet, human is vulnerable. it creates us to be a part of the social life. when you don't know about vulnerability, you wouldn't get the concept on trusting, depending, and having people with you.
iya wen, nangis emang enak. lo jadi nyadar kalo manusia tuh rapuh. terus kita nangis lagi, dengan merasa sedikit kuat. masih berasa rapuh, tapi paling ngga jadi sedikit lebih kuat dari yang kemarin.
kyak gw, kanget banget sama si beruang. bodoh.
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