The Talk Up in the Air

It has been a while since I wrote and you know how things have changed. How I have been ignoring some details and taking for granted most parts. How I have been obnoxious and not caring on consequences just because I can afford them. How I have muffled (if not killed) the part of me I wish could have remained. I feel like time just would not let me to play fun anymore, not that I hate what I am doing right now, but the fact that my deeds bear too much domino effect for every decision of going right or left. And, no, gosh, I still am indecisive as ever. Making promises at a time, with the full knowledge of which promise I would break, with a better manner – thinking that at least that would show how I at least considered on trying. Yes, me. If any, I have been involve on thinking that I have started bearing other people and responsibilities on my shoulder, thus have the fullest right to not consider anyone on things that pleases me. Sure, eventually everything that I do only pleases me, and no other.

I was in love years back – if not in my vicinity, deep within. I’m coming clean to you now, since I’m not coming clean to anyone, that I am as pathetic as ever. Not proud nor do I have intention to change these feelings. I feel more or less comfortable with it, and that’s enough for me. It is beautiful and sad at the same time. I should have moved.  I mean, I have been talking this with you all this time, and I assume you are listening. And you know which file  would put this whole thing to. The desktop. It is very accessible as well as harmful. You know what to do with it in the same way that you know what I’d see and feel of it. We’ll keep it ours, shall we? It is as it was.

Do you remember that jar of tears that was showed a couple years back? Well, it was full within that first year, but I haven’t been able to fill it again this past half year. No reason to cry, and I feel it’s just no longer the time. This is what I hate about adults. The society put measure on things we should or should not do, thus, you think that it’s no longer your portion to do it, just because you’re an adult. In a way or another, your subconscience would feel it is the right thing to do. I mean, yes, we should be more aware of all the responsible thingies, but spontaneity and flaws should be as fun as it was, right? It makes me feel that adults are dull. I promise that I will do everything that I can to avoid the dullness side of me. 

Oh, my, I am indeed dull.