etalase

it was a friend showing me that song - the one from "sore" that was named. and so she said a couple of times of how this song would pretty much sum up her year living abroad.

had you lived in a four seasons place, you would know how september distinct from august. by then, september i mean, the weather's getting cooler, summer shiny days would be less likely to find, and the crisp autumn weather would fill the air. then, of course you'd start to pay attention to the color of leaves, though it was not till october that everything would reach the peak of colored trees. but, september, everyone is in the mood of fall.

and so, living in a same weathered country, you simply lost track of time. to start off, with the weather feels the same all year long, it's hard to differ which month we're in. because you can't feel the different. then, the only thing that reminds you -in indonesia at least- is the independence day, in which everyone celebrates, and also commemorates our halfway through the year. but as for me, the last six years i had been having the best way to acknowledge and evaluate my halfway through the year.

this year my halfway through needed me to be a bit more effort though. regardless, it's the time of the year when i could be fully aware of the past, the present,and the future. you would have a hard time understanding it, because it took me long thoughts and a mom who complains every now and then. this year everything seems to be more surreal for me. having to have to work every morning after a full night watching out for the kids - or simply deciding no to go to sleep for the sake of talking and enjoying the present with - or the presence of - someone who does nothing but drive and flick the car light at 3 am. or simply to sit wait for a song to end before ending the night by getting off from the car. you enjoy sitting and not talking and even forcing yourself to stay awake when you don't need to because you want to share the tiredness of those who have to stay awake. it has always been like that, and that makes you wish everything moves in slow motion, and for august to never end.

september has always been bittersweet for me. it is my self-acclaimed month, and it seems to have its prestige of opening the the soothing season of fall, everything seems to accelerate in a calming kind of way. this time i abandoned september though it has not lost its calming and exciting touch. the last past months was my chance of having this yet again, and this time, i wish to embrace every bit of it.

it's the talk and the walk; the touch you get as a pad on the shoulder, a hug, or simply a hand lent for you to hold. for a split-of-a-second glimpse is really what you need to comprehend what was felt. and eyes looking for yours to just share the depth of your thought which lead to a laugh, a smile, or a longing for presence - when no words were even said.

it is indeed an etalase, no words were needed to be put for you to see. and no one would bother to ask how far you've comprehend, both you and the mannequin knows very well that it's been fully understood.