learning to pray from owen meany

i once was recommended john irving's a prayer for owen meany. the book stayed with me for almost 6 months. it even got soaked from flood, and i had to asked a friend to get a copy in barnes and nobles to give back that dear friend his precious book. i've apologized a couple of times.

by the time i got a copy for him, he already had a second hand copy of it.
he was psyched that i got the exact copy like the one which had been soaked.
he refused to open the new one. it was sealed.
he said he would just simply keep it.
he was rather obsessive compulsive.
he knows what i think about this.

oh, i never get to finish that owen meany book. i never learnt his prayer.

re-reading my entry. i am surprise upon how cheerful this entry had been. two days ago, i was again agonized, people. not knowing of what and why, thus it got me into a more agony.
i wrote my journal, not knowing what to write. i tried to shed my tears but failed to do so, since there were nothing to be cried upon.

so i prayed.

i prayed that i just simply understand of this whole state of being. but then i understood. i seriously did.
i understood that a process is a journey of its own. that it requires time, that it requires some keep on looking forward. that it requires some faith.

had i told you what my favorite quote was? it's salman rushdie saying,

"the opposite of faith is not not having faith. it's doubt."

heck yeah. having doubt is way more terrifying than not having faith at all.

so i doubt my understanding.and so i prayed. i prayed that god bear my fear (and tears) if i ever doubt again.