it's been a while//

contemplating - the so-called reflecting to my inner feeling,as i would say. hmm, that i have not been doing for a while. i pretty much indulged myself with the fact that are people that need a part of, either my presence or just my state of being. thus, i continue doing just that and felt good that i finally am not looking on my own self.

but it's devastating after a while.the not letting my self to see how i am doing. there was nothing wrong with being there with everybody, i kinda like it, since i choose the kind of person that i'd rather would be. but i have no idea upon my state of being.and i don't know what does this soaked eyes represent.

i miss being alone, yet i know these people that surrounds me were the ones who pulled me of from the edge of insanity. the jeopardy of how things have actually gone.

i have been commenting upon some friends who were doing things mechanically when i work or interact with them. i wonder if i were the exact same person that i avoid.

i wonder if i am them. being a hypocrite i guess, after all. darn it's killing me, dut.